This is (nearly) Spinal Tap.

We made it through relatively unscathed in last night's charity talent show! I was called up in a last minute request to perform a solo number as due to some acts not being able to attend, they were a little short on numbers. I wont lie, it rattled me a little. I had to pick a song on the spot and perform as the third act, which disrupted my groove a little. Thin Lizzy's "Dancing In The Moonlight" was duly downloaded and I performed it in my best amateur capacity. My sister was nervous, extremely so and I'd hoped my onstage horseplay (I'm a pretty energetic performer) would calm her down. It didn't, but the couple of drinks and her hidden nerves of steel surprised us all.

The soundcheck at the start did not please me. My guitar was too low. The sound producer said it was fine, but you don't argue with the producer. Musician's bible: He's responsible for how you'll sound. If he's having a bad day, so will you. A pre-show natter with a fellow guitarist informed me it was too low though, so against the producer's wishes, I boosted my amp emulator pedal's volume later on. The sister turned into a mouse on the mic check. Not literally. She just lost her voice with the pre show jitters. I practically exploded my microphone and drowned her voice out. This was largely my fault as she had misinterpreted my instruction not to go all out on sound check as "sing clear but not loud". I had actually meant "tone down the stage gestures, shape throwing etc".

So the big moment was pure Spinal Tap! I asked the audience "Are you ready to rock, are you ready to roll?!!" and the instrumental track intro clicks were suddenly inaudible. I remained calm and requested a restart. Again the intro clicks were inaudible, so I winged it, timing the intro wrong. The sister's nerves were shot and she started singing at the wrong point. I started soloing over it and she stopped straight away. We got that out of the way and then BOOM! She sang like a bird - bright , melodic, loud and clear! She was excellent, a pure ROCK DIVA. The place was rocking. Our harmonising was spot on and she threw me a "Play it, Phil!" I couldn't resist, I dropped to my knees and indulged in some ridiculous fret widdling. It was fantastic fun at the time, but my knees don't approve today!

It was brilliantly received but as I gathered last year, the judge is not a fan of the more energetic acts, and I have way too much fun to stop hamming it up so I pile it on. There'll be pictures and a video to follow so you, dear reader, will have to make do with my words until I manage to lay my hands on them. Thanks for reading.